he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
