I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
