Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
