When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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