Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
