so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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