"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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