i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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