Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
