Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
