I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
