$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
