Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
