felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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