come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He shit in the fireplace
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
