He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
