Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
