I only kidnapped one of them. chill
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
