Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
even my farts smell like vagina
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
