gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
now i know why i became what i already was.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
sarcasm needs its own font
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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