I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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