My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
