this beer tastes like vomit already
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
