I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
