girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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