dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
