Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Congratulations! We have a period
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