Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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