Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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