arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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