I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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