i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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