He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
