I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
