dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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