Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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