Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
