im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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