He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
