she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
