69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize