I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
