last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
