The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
