Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
