This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize