Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
