Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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