i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The cops high fived after they tackled you
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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