the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
