Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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