yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
3 2 1 whiskey
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
