why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
