My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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