I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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