That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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