I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
