yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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