yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
