So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
