What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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