Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
