I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
