I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
