Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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