The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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